I don’t know how I expect anybody to love me when I can’t even love myself.  I’ve made such a mess of life over the course of two days.  Can I just jump on a train on never look back.

I don’t mean to post this for attention but I feel sad today. I have since Saturday. Worry and anxiety eats at my mind. I don’t know how to shake these feelings, they’re cold as ice. loneliness sets in the dark everlasting night .

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to know what people really and truly think about you.  Not necessarily complete mind reading but more then the words that are said out loud.  Knowing a person’s deepest, most personal, and candid thoughts about you, imagine.

In my mind the facade is gone.  Once my parents found out that was it.  The closet doors were permanently opened.  While coming out has been one of the greatest things I’ve done, with it came a set of worries and anxieties that weren’t there before.  Most of which stem from my own insecurities.  I’m working my hardest to overcome these but it is a process which is easier said than done.

The facade was never any good to begin with.  Most people knew before I was ready to tell myself.  I wish it could have happened sooner.  The magnitude of coming out is still being realized and for the most part I’m happy with where I’m at.

But I feel more alone then ever right now.

I love who I am, but I hate myself.